MIRRORING, VALIDATING, EMPATHIZING

In 1988 I read the book, “Getting The Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix. The book inspired me to train with the Imago Institute and became a clinical member of the Imago organization. I held many couples weekend workshops in Corpus Christi, TX. Imago Therapy was the very best I found for my work with couples in my 30 plus years as a marriage and family therapist. The most important part of Imago work was in a process created by Hendrix. He called it the Couples Dialogue. It consists of three parts:

Read more...

Drowning in a Mistake

Just when I think things are smoothing out and we are actually on our way to “Beginners Heaven,” one of us makes a mistake and there we are again, guilty and ashamed, just like the old feelings from childhood.  They are like deep fractal patterns that recur under present circumstances.  So, here is the latest story of this fractal wave.  It is sort of a tsunami in miniature right here in Elm Grove, our beautiful little neighborhood.

Read more...

Byron Katie: Try to Make People Moral……

…and you lay the groundwork for vice (when you try to make people moral).  This post is an excerpt from Byron Katie’s book, A Thousand Names for Joy.  On pages 185 to 187, she says:

“Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.  For people who are tired of the pain, nothing could be worse than trying to control what can’t be controlled.  If you want real control, drop the illusion of control.  Let life live you.  It does anyway.  You’re just telling the story about how it doesn’t, and that’s a story that can never be real.  You didn’t make the rain or the sun or the moon.  You have no control over your lungs or your heart or your vision or your breath.  One minute you’re fine and healthy, the next minute you’re not.  When you try to be safe, you live your life being very, very careful, and you may wind up having no life at all.  Everything is nourishment.  I like to say, 

Read more...

September 27, 2011 “What’s Wrong With Your Face?”

Yesterday, I had a delightful encounter with a three or maybe four year old, extremely intelligent young lady. We greeted each other with a high five and she looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong with your face?” Now, how would you answer that question? I knew exactly what she meant. My face is that of an old woman with 82 years of experience–wrinkled, sagging, and liver spotted. I watch out for stray long hairs that grow out of interesting spots, unexpectedly. I cover the liver spots with makeup, but this day, I was in the raw, un-made up, “au naturale.” I also had a lot of sweat pouring from my pores, and reddened skin due to lifting some heavy boxes. My answer to Piper was that “I got really hot.” She countered with, “Why are you hot?” And that brought many possibilities to my mind. I thought she wouldn’t really be interested in the weather facts. We have had a very hot summer of record-breaking heat and no rain. (I call it the Rick Perry effect–lots of hot air and high pressure drying us up here in Texas.) But those ideas wouldn’t be interesting or pertinent in the life of a little girl. So we said good bye and I hope to meet her again very soon. I smile at the candor and honesty of her question. She is perfectly wondrous–a genius with original vision and incredible determination.

Read more...

August 2011 VACATION

What a beautiful word–“vacation.”  We are going on vacation.  We will vacate our house for a short time.  Our daughter, Anna, will house sit, making it possible for us to leave.  We are going to relax, rest, reinvigorate, renew, restore, replenish, and all those “re” words that mean making a new start.  To get away, to let go of the daily work routine, to have a change of pace, and to refresh ourselves in mind, body, and spirit–that is what vacation means to me.

Read more...